'Why shouldn't things be largely absurd, futile, and transitory? They are so, and we are so, and they and we go very well together.'

'No one can earn a million dollars honestly.'

'Books to the ceiling,/ Books to the sky,/ My pile of books is a mile high./ How I love them! How I need them!/ I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.'

'Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there.'

'Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.'

'Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it.'

'The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.'

'Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.'

'Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.'

'A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.'

'Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better.'

'Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.'

'The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.'

'We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners.'

'The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.'

'The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behaviour control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers.'

'The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.'

'He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.'

'A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.'

'Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.'