Mary's desk, August 26, 2013 27 Aug 2013 | 01:00 pm

Mr. Stapes: "Hello?" Mary: "Hi, Mr. Stapes. It's Mary at Dr. Grumpy's office." Mr. Stapes: "Can you speak up?" Mary: "HI, MR. STAPES. IT'S MARY, AT DR. GRUMPY'S OFFICE." Mr. Stapes: "Oh, hi, Mary....

Sunday night 26 Aug 2013 | 01:00 pm

My cell phone rings. Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy." Dr. Nerve: "Hi, Ibee" (pant, pant, pant, loud thumping noise) "I'm just calling to give you the post-call check-out" (thump, thump, thump) "...

Found in a shopping cart at Local Grocery 25 Aug 2013 | 12:22 am

Patient quote of the day 23 Aug 2013 | 01:00 pm

"Why do I have to let you know whenever I have a seizure? You're not my fucking mother."

More survey fun 22 Aug 2013 | 01:00 pm

I've put up some of the weird/stupid/random questions I've seen on surveys in the past. Apparently these aren't limited to North America. A reader from the other side of the planet (Australia) sent t...

Oh, I'm sure they're used to your type 21 Aug 2013 | 01:00 pm

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page." Mr. Platelet: "Hi, I need you to call the pharmacist about my Plavix." Dr. Grumpy: "What's wrong? I thought Annie called it in earlier today?" Mr...

Pizzaball 20 Aug 2013 | 01:00 pm

The Grumpyville city summer sports leagues are always popular, with different divisions for all levels of talent. Usually one of the best teams in town is 8 guys who all work at Local Pizza. The mana...

Important details 19 Aug 2013 | 01:00 pm

Seen in a chart while on call this weekend:

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NO!!! 19 Aug 2013 | 03:41 am

Seen at Costco, in adjacent aisles, on August 18, 2013: Once again, my pleas go unanswered.

"I love what you've done with the conning tower!" 17 Aug 2013 | 09:06 pm

While doing some reading about naval battles in the Mediterranean during WWII, I stumbled across this profile of a U-Boat commander. It was the last line that gave me the giggles.