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GIRLS ARE PRETTY HAS MOVED! 20 Jan 2011 | 05:20 am

It's now at http://girlsareprettyforever.tumblr.com. Reset your whatevers, thanks! This blogger page will no longer be updated. Only the tumblr. You'll be redirected automatically in a few seconds.

Weather Reports From The Dead Day! 20 Jan 2011 | 02:35 am

You are haunted by a ghost who every night enters your room through the wall and wakes you with a high-pitched, eardrum piercing scream, the kind of scream that can only come from the mouth of someone...

Two Salesmen At The End Of Their Lives Day! 19 Jan 2011 | 02:20 am

Jack Rafferty, the number one salesman of aluminum siding for eight years straight from 1965 to 1973, is going to pay a visit to you, the number two salesman of aluminum siding for those same years. Y...

The Thing Where You See Your Bully Getting Beat Up By His Dad Day! 12 Jan 2011 | 10:43 am

Today you're going to have that thing where you see your bully getting beat up by his Dad. It's the bully who is constantly shoulder-checking you into lockers and occasionally spitting on your chair i...

Breakfast With Two Guys You Don't Remember Meeting Day! 11 Jan 2011 | 02:08 am

You're at a diner in a booth shoveling some French Toast into your hole when you look up and you realize you have no idea who the other two guys at the table are. You were laughing together just a few...

No One Cares If The Matchmaker Ever Falls In Love Day! 8 Jan 2011 | 04:54 am

"We never would have met if it wasn't for you," they say. "I was so alone, wondering if I'd ever find anyone who liked sex to be exactly as violent and food-based as I do. But then you came along and ...

Alive Americans In Crisis Day! 7 Jan 2011 | 02:28 am

Raise your voice and declare yourself: "I am an alive American. I have been alive for __ years now, and every day is harder than the last. But I will remain alive, breathing, interacting with people ...

Divorced Superintendent Day! 6 Jan 2011 | 03:43 am

He hangs out in the hallway now, asking all the tenants who pass if everything's okay in their apartments. He's knocked on your door three times to offer to double-check your radiators to make sure th...

Competitive Cyclists Should Just Do What People With Seasonal Affective Disorder Tell Them To Do Day! 5 Jan 2011 | 02:25 am

Today you're going to be abducted and held for ransom by a woman with Seasonal Affective Disorder. "I don't need the money," she'll tell you while she pastes newsprint onto a piece of construction pa...

With The High Heels Still On Day! 4 Jan 2011 | 09:20 am

You're old and dying and some people you're related to have crowded around your bed to ask you if there's anything you've never done that you still want to do. "I've been watching the videos," you ra...

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