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Obama lists further coloured lines the Syrians must not cross 27 Aug 2013 | 04:45 pm
Following his administration’s assessment that Syria’s government has almost certainly used chemical weapons and so crossed the ‘red line’ President Obama set out last year, the White house has today ...
Millions of badger refugees flood across Welsh border 27 Aug 2013 | 02:00 pm
Sections of the M5 and the Severn Bridge were shut last night as thousands of badger refugees fled in convoy from villages in Gloucestershire and Somerset over the border to Wales. Badgers from both ...
‘Prism’ becomes sentient, opens cat sanctuary 27 Aug 2013 | 03:55 am
A spokesperson for America’s National Security Agency (NSA) held a red-faced press conference today, announcing that they no longer had control over Prism, their multi-million dollar, super-snooper so...
Lone human being ruins wasps’ picnic 26 Aug 2013 | 06:00 pm
A summer family reunion of a wasp colony was abandoned today after the irksome arrival of a persistent human being spoiled the occasion for all concerned. ‘It’s just bloody typical,’ said the colony’s...
Nuts magazine ‘to be more about nuts’ 26 Aug 2013 | 05:30 pm
Nuts magazine, the popular lads’ periodical, is to up its nut content in line with its title. “Up to now the mag has been more aimed at the immature masturbator market,” said publisher Dean Smyth. “Th...
Fines to be imposed on middle-of-the-road tastes 26 Aug 2013 | 03:55 am
From this week anyone found listening to Chris de Burgh or settling down to watch an episode of Midsomer Murders will face a £100 on-the-spot fine. The new penalties are intended to tackle the growing...
Excrement-covered Thatcher statue ‘a cert’ for Turner Prize 25 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm
The vandalised, though yet to be built Margaret Thatcher statue is widely seen as a certain winner of this year’s Turner Prize. Organisers are aiming to raise £200,000 for an effigy of the late Prime ...
Battle of Britain memorial flight Lancaster splatted in ‘paintball accident’ 25 Aug 2013 | 02:00 pm
The RAF’s only airworthy Lancaster bomber was effectively ‘shot down’ yesterday, in a prank played by the pilot of a German Messerschmidt 109 fighter aircraft. Both aircraft had been performing at an ...
GCSEs to replaced by Hunger Games 25 Aug 2013 | 03:55 am
Amidst concerns over failing educational standards, it was announced today that the GCSE is to be replaced by a Hunger Games-style contest, in which 16-year-olds will exchange statutory secondary scho...
New Batman Barry Scott swaps grime-fighting for crime-fighting 24 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm
Cillit Bang brand ambassador Barry Scot has said he is ‘thrilled’ after landing the role of Batman for the next instalment of the hugely successful Warner Brothers franchise. Scott was chosen for the ...
