Onion - onion.com - The Onion
Opinion: Let Me Explain Why Miley Cyrus’ VMA Performance Was Our Top Story This Morning (by Meredith Artley) 27 Aug 2013 | 04:15 am
By Meredith Artley, Managing Editor Of CNN.com
Person Sitting In Parked Car At 2:00 A.M. Probably Upstanding Member Of Community 27 Aug 2013 | 04:00 am
SUDBURY, MA—Sources confirmed Monday that the man seen parked on a residential street at 2:00 a.m.
Study: Americans Enjoy Watching TV, Eating 27 Aug 2013 | 03:30 am
WASHINGTON—According to a new study published Monday by the Pew Research Center, Americans enjoy watching television and eating.
American Voices: ’N Sync Reunites At VMAs 27 Aug 2013 | 03:05 am
Boy band ’N Sync briefly reunited last night at the MTV Video Music Awards, singing and dancing to snippets of their hit songs “Girlfriend” and “Bye Bye Bye” as part of a longer medley performed by fo...
Town Nervously Welcomes Veteran Back Home 27 Aug 2013 | 03:00 am
BEVERLY, MA—Upon Sgt. 1st Class Ted Orcutt’s return from a year of active combat duty in Afghanistan, the 34-year-old veteran’s tight-knit community came out in full force to nervously welcome him hom...
Woman Who Left Room Crying Earlier Expects To Jump Back Into Party Just Like That 27 Aug 2013 | 01:15 am
RUTLAND, VT—Despite being seen weeping as she left the room 15 minutes ago, area woman Rebecca Fordham, 35, apparently expects to easily and unobtrusively slip right back into the party and continue s...
Nation Feels Fucking Awful For Woman Who Sits Between Skip Bayless, Stephen A. Smith 27 Aug 2013 | 01:00 am
BRISTOL, CT—Expressing their deepest most heartfelt sympathy, the American public announced Thursday that they feel really fucking terrible for the poor woman who sits between Skip Bayless and Stephen...
Slideshow: The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 26, 2013 27 Aug 2013 | 12:10 am
The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 26, 2013
Editorial Cartoon: One Night Standards 27 Aug 2013 | 12:00 am
One Night Standards
American Voices: Men Dressed As Mormon Missionaries Rob Home 26 Aug 2013 | 11:00 pm
Two men dressed as Mormon missionaries rang the doorbell of a Las Vegas house and told the homeowner they wanted to speak with him about Jesus Christ, before pulling out a gun, assaulting the resident...