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Plumb. 25 Jul 2013 | 08:27 am
We neutered our dog Cody on Monday and I'm distraught. I really didn't think it was necessary. He doesn't exhibit any aggressive behaviour. He doesn't mark his territory in the house. I have yet t...
God Save The Children... 20 Jun 2013 | 11:43 pm
A couple of months ago I was asked to deliver a commencement speech at an Elementary School here in NY. My first reaction was, "Why the F*!K would you willingly ask me to deliver a commencement speec...
Green Acres Is The Place To Be... 14 Mar 2013 | 05:12 am
Here I sit on the LIRR, knees pressed against the back of the seat in front of me. Usually women sit like this or teenage girls. Business men sit upright, drinking beer and reading the Wall Street Jou...
The Flying Shit Can... 25 Jan 2013 | 08:55 pm
If I really had any nuts at all, if I really wanted to be profound, I would have just hit the publish button right after I typed the title, "The Flying Shit Can..." But I can't contain myself. I am ...
My Birthday Reflections On Life And Death; A Plethora Of (Six) Haiku. 7 Dec 2012 | 08:49 pm
Frozen dog shit steams One less tissue is wasted Evidence of God Unavoidable Red Velvet beacon of light Death and Life collide Outback Steakhouse calls Slaughtered steer sing like sirens Happy Birt...
Stuck Together At 30,000 Feet. 17 Nov 2012 | 02:16 am
I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to have sex with my wife in an airplane bathroom. At first, the thought of it seems quite steamy but it's fleeting at best. I think escapades such as this are ...
Where The Dick Is Supposed To Be... 14 Sep 2012 | 05:36 pm
For almost five years, I've been "writing" this blog. It is called Out-Numbered and it was aptly named. I am a man. I have a wife and two daughters. I live with them in a house. I am outnumbered. T...
Puppy Parts And A Fear Of Dying Part Two... 17 Aug 2012 | 12:01 am
And then there is death... My oldest daughter is turning ten this week. She is pretty and smart and fragile and strong. She is an open book. She is a puzzle with a million pieces. She is an old soul...
Puppy Parts And A Fear Of Dying Part One... 14 Aug 2012 | 11:14 am
My daughters are so beautifully simple and yet complicated at the same time. The way they look through me. The way they walk from the house to the car. The way they brush their hair after a bath. Ev...
Fuck The News... 20 Jul 2012 | 08:53 pm
"14 dead, 50 wounded in shooting at Colorado theater during premier of the new Batman Movie." "Long Island Daddy reads five year old daughter classic fairytale before tucking her into bed." "Naked m...
