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MYSTERY DISEASE AFFECTS ONE IN NEARLY EVERY HUMAN BEING 21 Aug 2013 | 12:27 am

ATLANTA (SatireWire) -- It is known by many names: Common Fulgent Peplepsia, The Kitchen Dropsy, Male Pattern Balls Cup, Mazelcoffin, and Screamy Screamy Run Run, but one thing is certain: Aparalytic ...

RADICAL ANAGRAMISTS HOLD SHE-GOATS FOR RANSOM 1 Aug 2013 | 12:40 am

SHAGWINTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of radical anagramists today claimed it has taken four she-goats and demanded $1 million in omen masonry payable in small, kind umbrellas.

ARK. TOWN SETS UP MEMORIAL FUND FOR PENDING SCHOOL SHOOTING 31 Jul 2013 | 01:14 am

CLARKSVILLE, ARK. (SatireWire.com) – After deciding to arm teachers and staff to head off the theoretical threat of a school gunman, the town of Clarksville, Ark., has taken the next logical proactive...

WEINER DEBACLE SPARKS NATIONAL PENIS-CONTROL DEBATE 27 Jul 2013 | 01:49 am

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Anthony Weiner sexting scandal has ignited a heated debate over penis control as advocates demand regulations to reduce penis-related offences, while pro-penis...

NASA TURNS OFF SPACE TELESCOPES, GOES OUTSIDE 2 Jul 2013 | 01:42 am

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Saying everyone had spent more than enough time sitting in front of computer screens and TV monitors, NASA today abruptly turned off all its space telescopes and sa...

DEATH MOVING OUT OF DEATH VALLEY; “TOO HOT HERE” 1 Jul 2013 | 11:14 am

DEATH VALLEY, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Enduring record-setting heat yet again over the weekend, Death today announced he will be moving out of his namesake Death Valley, where he said it was “much too h...

FLORIDA’S NEWEST AMUSEMENT PARK: “SINKHOLELAND” 28 Jun 2013 | 01:18 am

DADE CITY, FL (SatireWire.com) – Cinderella’s Missing Castle, Unnerving Journey to the Center of the Earth, Pirates of the Caribbeneath, Spelunk-a-Dunk – the rides at Florida’s SinkholeLand Amusement ...

COURT STRIKES DOWN ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE LAW AS “TOTALLY GAY” 27 Jun 2013 | 02:45 am

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. Supreme Court gave a landmark victory to the gay-rights movement Wednesday, striking down a federal law that denied benefits to same-sex married couples, a...

AMERICANS DIVIDED OVER HOW THEY WANT SNOWDEN MOVIE TO END 25 Jun 2013 | 10:59 pm

MOSCOW (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. continues to be deeply divided over the fate of Edward Snowden as a new poll shows 38 percent of Americans believe the NSA leaker is a traitor who should die in spec...

U.S.: IF EVERYONE IS BEING SPIED ON, THEN NO ONE IS BEING SPIED ON 11 Jun 2013 | 12:07 am

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Wielding the tautological argument, “If everyone is special, then no one is special,” the White House today said the government is not technically spying on anyone ...

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