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New Business Helps Wealthy Hold Onto Self-Importance in Modern World 26 Aug 2013 | 01:50 am

We recently got a special tour of a new venture on Madison Avenue that has been causing quite a stir. The business is called Mammonary Springs Wellness Center. Because Mammonary Springs is secretive t...

Pope Francis’ Twitter Account Hacked; Ex-Pope Benedict XVI “a Person of Interest” 25 Aug 2013 | 07:31 pm

Vatican Watchers See Hints of a Leadership Crisis for the Church. In breaking developments out of Vatican City, Rome newspaper Il Sicofante reports that Pope Francis’ Twitter account has been comprom...

Brewers Fan Apologizes Preemptively for What He Will Do in 2014 25 Aug 2013 | 07:27 pm

Beau Fielding, a resident of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, has issued this statement: Ryan Braun, now that you have made (up) an apology, I would like to make a preemptive apology. It has come to my attentio...

Researchers Use Deep Human Emotion to Enhance Identity Security Online 18 Aug 2013 | 07:42 pm

 Any chain is only as strong as its weakest link. In the case of the online security systems that guard so much—from your bank account to your email—that weak link is the so-called security question, ...

The Sayings of Joanna M., a Kept Woman 18 Aug 2013 | 04:05 pm

If he makes one more remark about my weight I’m going to max out all the cards.

The Sayings of Joanna M., a Kept Woman 18 Aug 2013 | 04:03 pm

How could I stay there? They only have 22-hour room service.

The Sayings of Joanna M., a Kept Woman 18 Aug 2013 | 04:03 pm

If it isn’t Italian or German, is it really a car?

The Sayings of Joanna M., a Kept Woman 18 Aug 2013 | 04:01 pm

If his daughter were attractive she’d probably be a slut.

The Sayings of Joanna M., a Kept Woman 18 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm

His daughter gets so angry when I tell her she looks good for her age.

The Sayings of Joanna M., a Kept Woman 18 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm

I have one dream above all others, one vision that makes my heart sing: my name on the deeds.

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