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Why I Am Leaving the Galactic Empire 15 Mar 2012 | 02:30 am

In response to Greg Smith’s brave revolt against Goldman Sachs’ business practices, I felt inspired to finally come clean regarding my relationship with the galaxy, the Empire, the Force, and my famil...

Anybody wanna buy a used harmonica? 14 Dec 2011 | 05:46 pm

Anybody wanna buy a used harmonica?

Short Story 18 Nov 2011 | 08:55 am

“Oh no,” said the lumberjack.

I think we've met before 26 Sep 2011 | 08:56 pm

I’m embarrassed to mention this, but I think we’ve met before, remember? I was the one who kept quoting lines from Sixteen Candles and you kept laughing until finally you said that you actually haven’...

Choosing Your Next Book: A Guide 16 Sep 2011 | 08:13 pm

Tips: -Look for fancy art or graphics on the cover. The better the graphic, the better the book. -Decide which color your like your books to be; find one of this color. -Read the author’s name. Do ...

"It is really hot today; at least 10 degrees of Kevin Bacon." 1 Sep 2011 | 06:13 am

“It is really hot today; at least 10 degrees of Kevin Bacon.”

Editorial: Why Won’t Everyone Just Be Quiet 31 Aug 2011 | 05:37 pm

All anybody does is talk, talk, talk, never allowing for one second of quiet contemplation, never letting anybody think, so loud that you can’t even hear your own thoughts—I don’t understand why we ca...

"The 90s called, they want their saying, “The ______ called, they want their _____ back.”..." 30 Aug 2011 | 05:33 pm

“The 90s called, they want their saying, “The ______ called, they want their _____ back.” back.”

"I watched people play baseball last night. So did 90% of the players at any given time." 27 Aug 2011 | 03:11 pm

“I watched people play baseball last night. So did 90% of the players at any given time.”

Dear Tawdry Typist, 25 Aug 2011 | 11:30 pm

Lately I have been struggling with postpartum depression, as my baby is extremely ugly. What should I do? - Dejected in Des Moines Remember that at least 20% of the babies born every day lack a defin...

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